N's little foot little update

Well hello! it has been a while since I have written a blog post about how we are doing and where we are up to in life, both with N growing up and limb difference bits and bobs.

Obviously with Covid-19 going about, life has pretty much been on hold. Both kids have been at home and not at nursery, I'm a key worker and have continued to go to work like normal - which has been an absolute god send. That sense of normality has been brilliant, but it also gave me a break from home/kids/being in all the time. 

Just be before the official lock down began we were already self isolating as N had a cough and temp (very broad markers for a less than 2 year old!), we were in complete isolation for two weeks, a week before the official bit. That bit was TOUGH, we had gone from being able to do normal everyday stuff, to then being locked in the house - just to make it clear I absolutely think it was the right thing to do, and everything that has been suggested with lock down, but i did not anticipate how it would make me feel. In the grand scheme of things though 2 weeks seems like nothing now, my grandma has been shielding from the start, shes 90 and owning it like the legend she is.

The kids were great though, I think allowing them to actually get bored has worked wonders, at the time they both seemed to take it in their stride and adapt beautifully. 

During this time we understandably got a phone call to say the annual little foot review had been cancelled. It would have been out first official one, and I was oddly looking forward to see what happens and what we talk about. I am more than happy to wait though, we don't need to go and have no urgent need to be in a hospital environment. I guess we will be going next year, and I will be able to report back on what happens then. 

Like most families we have gone through one of us being furloughed - my husband has been furloughed for about 2 months now. Initially I think he thought it was brilliant - Xbox time, watching TV, sleep-ins that the kids allow. He luckily got 80% pay and we haven't had to pay for childcare for the whole time he has been furloughed which has helped both financially and mentally. 

I have (mostly) loved it, I have been able to go for runs, bike rides, and as lock down has eased I have been able to go on socially distanced walks and talks with my friends, meet friends babies (after what feels like forever!), and swap shifts as needed. The freedom and flexibility has been great. 

Once lock down was eased enough for the shops to open, I booked for N to have his feet measured at Clarks, and then booked his orthotics appointment. 

The orthotics appointment was booked easily after a quick telephone appointment, and the done perfectly with the right PPE and social distancing rules. 

We turned up and went in for our appointment as usual, with a different guy this time but he was lovely and Scottish - everything he said just sounded more positive, they way he said 'wee foot' warmed me. When he sat down he asked about what we were there for, what we needed and asked to do an assessment for his leg/foot.

N was brilliant and let the guy look at this leg length - his leg length discrepancy has gone from mm's to about half an inch, and his hips are out of alignment by about 1 cm now to. He will need to have his usual insole and a raise in his shoe now to.

This made me feel a bit weird if I'm honest, I initially felt upset and angry and all those feelings I had felt when we first found out about his foot came flooding back. The fear of what his future will be like, guilty that I have put this upon him, gutted that he needs to have more adaptions. 

In hindsight, I think I was just caught of guard, other than the insole in his shoe nothing else needed to be added, and now it did. I guess it was always going to happen eventually, I had noticed he was walking with more of a limb but he hasn't even been walking a year yet (he finally did it at the grand old age of 17 months) and its tricky to work out whats his foot/leg or whats him just figuring it out.

So, anyway, that feeling sat for a day or so. But now I'm okay with it. There is more now to consider with shoes and which ones will be the best for the orthotic, his leg and now the extra raise he will need on the sole. 

We did have a talk about what he might need in the future, and got onto splints/prosthetic etc. The guy we saw was brilliant, he got out a splint that someone with talipes would wear, and then a prosthetic splint type thing that Olympians wear. He said that when N gets to the stage of doing sports he might need one as the front of it will give him the push off you get from your forefoot. 

N is like any active kid, he loves kicking a ball about, he runs instead of walks and has a mean throw - I'd imagine one of the splints will be needed at some point. 

Part of me wrote this as therapy for me, but also to hopefully help someone else dealing with adaptions or new news, that feelings no matter how weird are okay. And you know what, its okay to sit in them feelings for a few days if you need to, even if the emotions feel misplaced and you thought you had got over things. I've mentioned in previous posts that I don't blame myself anymore for N's foot but there was a huge chunk of time where I did and those feelings bubbled back up to the surface for a little while whilst I digested the info.

Anyway in other exciting news, we have been asked to be on Fiftyshadesofmotherhoods podcast and to also be part of an exciting project. All of which I will share when we are able to.