Hormones and Anxiety

Three months in and I THINK we are getting to grips with this whole game called parenting, I have realised and started to accept that this time round is completely different to the first time. I am so glad I made the most of cuddles and naps when my daughter was a baby, as this time round I can't get away with as many cuddles or naps - especially as my darling children appear to tag team it ... apart from right now where I will hopefully have more than a few minutes to myself.

Mr. N is doing great, he is growing well on just my milk. I have tried to introduce a bottle once a day, but I'm actually far to lazy for that right now and would rather just whip my boob out (or so to speak). He's smiling, cooing, and enjoys is play mat for more than 2 minutes. We have had a slight problem with constipation with this hot weather and I will share the advice I was given from lloyds pharmacy and my wonderful NICU workies:

• Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink.
• Have a glass of squash every now and again for the sugars etc.
• Drink dioraltye so our bodies get the electrolytes we need but your child gets the fluid.
• Eat fruits beginning with P - pears, plums, peaches etc.
• She mentioned about SMART water but I have no idea what that is.

I spent ages googling what to do and this advice worked, so to save another mum spending hours googling; try this and see if it helps. (I should probably add that this isn't scientific or anything like that, just what I personally found useful. 

So, other than sweating like there's not tomorrow and the days flying by with having two kids. I have had 5 minutes to think about life and how I'm feeling about Mr. N's foot. I do think I am having some sort of hormonal blip or something following the end of the fourth trimester (worth googling during a  feed or toilet stop).

Basically I've been feeling anxious about our appointment next month. I'm scared about what they are going to say, we will finally get to see them x-rays that were taken before we were discharged, and the specialist will be able to give is more information. The thing is, I seem to have stopped being able to accept that he has a foot, a toe and enough to walk on ... so why am I not able to accept it?! I guess I'm subconsciously trying to protect myself from any news such as 'he needs an operation to fuse his ankle' or 'he won't be able to walk properly without a special shoe'. The thing is last week this didn't particularly bother me, and he's perfect and these extra things don't matter. This week however, I am driving myself mad and my anxiety has creeped in. I felt it creeping in, but didn't really know why until I had 5 minutes to just sit and think on my own when my hubby was out. Funny how our minds work really. 

Its made me think about all of the families I have helped look after in NICU and how we say 'they will grow out of their desalts' for example, for the premature babies. I know they will and 99% of the time they do, but for them parents that 1% is a huge number and your mind travels off 10 years into the future as you try to imagine what life will be like with apnoea monitors and appointments galore. Another example; when we say a baby with a PDA needs a ligation, I know that the baby will have to be stable enough to travel and its a quick procedure done by professionals at specialist centres. For the parents it must be so hard to imagine it will be okay, especially as 9 times out of 10 most people haven't thought about a neonatal unit, let alone how we transfer their very special baby from place to place ..... anyway I digress ... 

I guess I just feel like my mind is all over the place, and its only finally having time to sit here and write this, that I realise how I am actually feeling. I know I have so much support around me and Mr. N will be fine no matter what, but the truth is I'm already worrying about the bullies 5 or 10 years in the future. How do you make sure a child is brought up strong and resilient? Luckily his dad has a weed sense of humour, so I imagine Mr. N will have some good come backs stored up for when he starts school. I know you can't protect them and kids bully kids for the colour of your eyes or hair, I just can't help but worry. As one of my dearest friends reminded me though, it is being a mum. Being a mum IS worrying for every child. When I think of it, I worry about my daughter to, but I worry about different things.

Anyway I am rambling - as always please share my blog to anyone you may know, I'm always open to talking to more parents and people. If you hear or see any limb difference news, be sure to message me on twitter, instagram or facebook. 

P.s. What do you think of my new blog layout? and someone please check my social media icon links work. Thank you from a novice blogger.