Becki's story

Becki is an incredible mum of two boys, one of which has an upper limb difference. Her words I have found very comforting and love the support network she has formed through social media and her specialist hospital.

Tell me a bit about you?

Hi, I am Becki. By day I am a special needs teaching assistant in a high school, and by night I am a very sleep deprived mum of two. Dougie, two and a half, and Edward, 8 months.

What is you or your loved ones limb difference?

It is my son Dougie who has a limb difference and he has symbrachydactly of his left hand. I think his doctor referred to it as ‘u-shaped cleft hand’. He basically has a thumb, which looks ‘normal’ but doesn’t bend, and a little finger which is has grown at an angle across his rather than straight up. He has three nubbins in between these that are the starts of fingers that just didn’t grow. I have added a picture of his first X-ray that he had at around 12 months old.

When find out about Dougie's hand?

We didn’t know about Dougie’s hand until he was born. It was a bit of a shock, but once I knew that it wasn’t caused by anything I had done both myself and my husband had no issues with it at all. 

I am actually pretty pleased that I didn’t know about his hand before he was born because I think I probably would have worried about for the whole of my pregnancy and probably blown it all out of proportion.  

What help and support have you been offered?

We have found lots of support and comfort through 'The Lucky Fin Project' which we found ourselves whilst researching. They have shared pictures of Dougie on their instagram and Facebook accounts and I have had people contact me through them for advice and have made some friends whose children have very silage hands to Dougie. 

We have also found that Birmingham Children's hospital have been amazing at organising events for all the children under the upper limb service and we have got to know a lot of families. 

What are the positives of Dougie's limb difference?

Dougie definitely sees his limb difference as something that makes him special. Everyone in our family and all our friends have a very positive towards the whole thing and I think it has definitely helped Dougie to be proud of his ‘nubbins’

What negatives have you encountered? 

None really. We have never had any negative comment as such. We once had a friends daughter refuse to hold his hand but I think that is pretty much it

Has Dougie had any procedures?

We were offered a procedure that would take a bone from his foot and be placed in his little finger to attempt to stabilise his finger (which is very flimsy and bends back on its self and comes out of place a lot) 

But we were told that there was only a 50% chance it would IMPROVE his grip and there was a 50% chance it might limit the movement in his hand, so we declined 

What is the best advice you could give to a family who are pregnant or have just had a baby with a limb difference?

Embrace it!! What may at first seem like something that will limit your child certainly will not! It will make them unique and there are ways around everything. There is nothing they will not be able to do.

What advice would you give a limb difference kid?

Don’t let anyone say ‘you can’t’ 

You can do anything you want to do. It may take a bit more work than it would for others but never give up.